You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
