bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Boobs speak an international language.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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