I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
