I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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