he thought i was a dude.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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