Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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