I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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