I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They took my balls.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
