i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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