stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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