i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
