i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
