i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
