bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
