He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
