i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
