I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
