just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
