Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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