I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
