Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
