Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
