your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
