Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
