its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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