My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
