By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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