He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
