Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
