Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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