Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
