when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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