You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
