i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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