Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize