after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Enjoy the penises
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
