No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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