its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
