dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
