SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
