Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize