You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize