when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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