you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
