..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize