i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
