Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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