and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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