my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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