I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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