there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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