I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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