Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
