And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
