hotel room ftw
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
