Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
