Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
