:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
