So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
