I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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