Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
