my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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