You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
