i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
