Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize