Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
