first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
