Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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