I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
