How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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