I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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