Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
