I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
