Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
