wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
