Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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