mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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