you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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