Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
