After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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