somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize