nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
