you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am available for nakedness
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
