the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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