I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I understand Curling. That high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
