there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
