just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
