This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
