and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
