I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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