God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
