the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
