Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
