Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
